Sorry to come off so strong (gingerly combing my hair). But umm.. I mean.. I mean, we’ve been together for so long so I think It’s time I tell you. It’s pretty obvious, anyway. I’ve been caressing your might, your abstractions, your wonder, your power since that fateful day I started a journal in 6th Grade.
I must admit, initially, I sucked at handling you. You know, I sucked at correctly constructing phrases/sentences of you. And um..Yeah..I sucked at narrating stories made out of you.. Or even using you in conversations (pppfffft.. Ok, I still suck at this up until now). Let me explain that at that age , you know in my defense, I was only capable of forming short sentences. I was too eager to write those capitalized, highlighted and loud thoughts in my head.
I tried creating songs, poems through your beautiful, beautiful presence. At that tender age, your influencing was intoxicating. I had so much thoughts of you in my head but I consistently, CONSTISTENTLY ineffectively expressed you in writing. That’s why at that time, I was hesitant at confessing my feelings for you. I wasn’t so sure if I was ever capable of justifying your worth. I can’t even describe how something as un-assuming as you could stir me up like this.
I tried to turn off my emotions for you because of frustration. Well, I continued my journal thinking it was for my own benefit. Because, you know, I was self centered and I wanted to write about myself. Then, without taking notice, my then budding feelings for you grew stronger. Well to be honest, this realization didn’t occur to me at that period of my life. Your significance was greatly emphasized to me recently. Accurately, about two months ago. Anyway, I realized that through writing, I could place my thoughts eloquently. Aside from the infinite possibilities of creativity I could explore through you, I realized that my journals were a form of therapy. Those journals kept me sane and rooted. My inner core grew stronger as I kept my journal through time. Figuratively, Words, through my journals, you were a magic door that lead me into understanding myself more. You were that hand I was holding all the time while I tried keeping true to myself.
Oh! And you didn’t stop there! You enticed me more when I got hooked with reading books. Oh Words! What a divine thing you had allowed me to discover! I remember one afternoon, while in college. I worked as an office assistant and my task was too mundane to be tolerated. While at work, you introduced me to this book titled “Shadow of the Wind” by Carlos Ruiz Zaifon. And it was like fate! Oh! the labyrinth, the thrill and the danger that I was lead to! it was just exquisite. It was a divine experience that I would excitedly retell every time anyone ask me to recommend a book. And Harry Potter! Oh Harry Potter! The Hunger Games series! Uncle Tom’s Cabin! John Grisham! Jane Austin’s masterpieces! Oh God.. Oh God..! Those books.. (sighs and dreamily recall every fond memories with books. Then, refocuses and gets back with my act of professing.)
Look, all I’m trying to say is all of my life, I tried other stuff. I’ve tried traveling, food, exercise, sleep, movies, alcohol, parties, internet, social media, interacting with people and hmmm.. maybe, religion while I was under the roof of my grandmother. All of them seemed mediocre. Nothing tickled my fancy. Not up until I met you…
Ok.. ok.. It was obvious that I wasn’t very clear about my love for you before. Some years, I tried to stop keeping journals because I found it exhausting to SHARE EVERYTHING. I was in denial, ok? I thought it wasn’t cool or something. Anyway, it was the frustration that I was feeling because I was unable to express you properly kept me away.
But now, I’m not turning back. It’s now or never. My passion has grown too much that I’d be damn if I leave you alone ( I know.. I know.. I’m being overly dramatic). Although, I still suck at expressing you verbally. I mean, my peers would even joke that I need a subtitle while talking to be understood. And I make up the lamest joke and awkwardly share it to them. And the look on their faces would DEFINITELY tell me I’ll never be a comedian ( it’s ok. no aspiration on that aspect,anyway). I mean, we’ll try to work out the verbal part. But um.. Either way, right at this very moment I’m definitely sure of my devotion.
So there. I said it. I love you.
Please, say something..? And please.. love me back.