Chapter 1 – New Guy

Olivia’s sincerity and lack of experience made her vulnerable. And when their eyes met, she already knew she would be teased.

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That new guy silently came in. He carried his bag with one sling and walked to his desk. He licked his lips as he sense he was getting everyone’s attention. But who could blame him. His casual clothing stood out a midst the sea of slacks, neck ties, pencils and blouses. With his hooded sweatshirt, plain jeans, rough dirty hair and music booming over his head phone, you could tell he’d like to be left alone. But people tried to pry in a subtle way. His nonchalance stirred their curiosity. His strong light brown eyes that pierced through anyone made them follow his every move.

That split moment when their eyes met placed her in a trance. He blinked and cast his eyes down immediately. It took her a moment to realize what happened. She snapped back to reality with a startled upright bolt. Her noisy fumbling broke everyone’s curious gaze and gossips. Everyone then casually hushed and settled back to their work as if nothing had happened.  Like the rest, she faced her screen while recalling where she had left off.

He’s not even that attractive… the cue to her new day dreaming began. I mean come on, why wear those clothes to work.. The tone of revolt in her head made her less convinced. She knew it was a bit too late especially when she saw the way his eyes lit up with curiosity when it met hers.

Hence, in between sipping her coffee and the silent clacking of her keyboard, she was beginning to float into a date in a coffee shop.. Giggling and playfully teasing that new guy 5 cubicles away from her.

Next Chapter: Chapter 2- Rainy Days & Bad Eggs

Take a Hit

Into the rabbit hole I go; causing a stir to my insides
The uncertainties are intensified.
Sometimes, I don’t know why I’m here.
But I am where I am, anyway.

And I want to stay afloat,
Amidst the chaos; above the confusion
The detachment is tempting
The state of turning it all off
To not give a fuck; the idea is sublime

I worship this; this beautiful fucked up moment
Surrounded by just a millisecond of escape
I yearn for your unrealistic state
Your bliss is temporarily satisfying
Temporarily..

I hear booming music
Souls detached and I vow to myself that coldness is ideal
I am weak; I am stupid
And it’s alright for this moment

Gone are all the nonsense
Gone are all the bad things in my head
I’m flying in bliss
Temporarily..

Gone are all the nonsense
Gone are all the bad things in my head

 

Pace

Don’t get any closer.. ” Isla giggled, teasingly pushing Euan further.

His lips (the ones that she haven’t tasted yet) was forming a smirk in response. Her insides flipped as she blushed.

No.. ” His deep voice was delicious. It was a mixture of flirting and nervousness. She looked down and agreed in silence.

They were at a comfortable point in their unhurried pace. It seemed, they both understood, that rushing won’t do any good. To pursue their whirlwind emotions might overpower or mislead them.  The intoxicating mixture of excitement, newness and heady feelings might cause them to erupt into thousand consolations of pure sensual and emotional possibilities.

And this possibility can be love. It might be love. We never know.

Her constant thoughts of him, her need and want to be always near him might be love. But she feared her emotions might consume her too much that she might not function well. Or she might forget thinking about herself. Giving her whole heart to him earnestly might be putting all her happiness, all her existence to one person. And entrusting yourself that much to someone is beyond imaginable for Isla. The possibility of immense pain might be guaranteed knowing nothing will be left for herself.

So Isla smiled at Euan as their fingers almost touched. They were at their office building’s rooftop, greeting the dawn with hot coffee in hand. Their mutual want for each other was causing a delicious tingling sensation between them.

This is good. Isla cherished.
She is enough.  Euan smiled.

 

WOHOO! 45 Followers!! Thank you awesome people!!

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This is good news to me! ^^ I will DEFINITELY start posting my story/novel starting January 2016 despite not reaching 50 followers. But, hopefully, I’d reach that count someday.. Anyway, thanks again and have an awesome Holiday!! Stay Epic!!

 

 

In-betweens

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I hate in-betweens.
I want a direct to and fro.
I want a yes or a No.
I want you to tell me straight up.
Because right now, I’m slightly messed up.

The uncertainty is antagonizing.
I like my black and whites.
The grey parts, I tried to experience for understanding.
But man, do you comfortably play behind implied meanings.

I was never amused of that sort.
I role my eyes when my thoughts dances at possibilities.
I humor myself but halt when carried away.

So, right now tell me.
I’m impatient at this.
I want to know now.
No buts. No maybes.
Just a straight up yes or no.

The Second Renaissance

We had conceived our own demise.
Our lust for power is the nurturer.
Men start wars agnostically.
Disregarding the existence of others.

Innovation is a false medium to the gates of contentment.
It is the menacing catalyst  of our planet’s death.
We are too vain, too selfish to even admit this.
We turn to the other cheek and plow through our own extinction.

“Father, forgive them, for they do know what they are doing..
But they are too tainted in their own corruption..”

 

 

 

Random Thoughts on Existence

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I could never muster enough courage to resolve my confusion. Maybe, I enjoy the chaos so much. Because just when I find my resolution, I bounce back to my old habit. I know how time is wasted with this unnecessary struggle. If I was wiser, I bet I’ve skipped steps knowing I don’t need to take them. But I am who I am and I want everything to make sense and sink in. I want things to flow as it is. Never forced. Never slacked. I hope I’m wise enough to just listen to my intuition then follow it. But since up until now, I haven’t defined my necessary evils so my best bet is to just pay close attention. And to be able to closely listen to my intuition, worrying is needed. It is the only drive that’s effective enough to stir me to the right direction IF allocated to the right attention. It is the very trait that could muster so much dedication from a person to a point that it is obsessive. It can filter thoughts or voices a person thinks it doesn’t need to hear. Worrying, instead of being a catalyst to procrastinating,  can be productive if we worry that we might not be hearing the right voice ( our intuition or God).

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Existence: Why is it so important to solve it’s puzzle? What is it’s meaning, anyway? Why do we only believe that we have truly existed if we have found true happiness? Why is the meaning of our existence limited to a certain emotional state? What if we are meant to be sad sometimes? What if we are meant to be angry at times? Be hungry? Fuck up? Get lost and then find our way back? Or what if.. we just exist because we need to exist and just that.

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My heart is enveloped in a painful sear caused by confusing things I have yet to resolve but failed because I’m not their yet. Or because I don’t want to right now. Or because at that moment, it made sense but now it doesn’t. But it is true that, reason calms the storm within us. Maybe, there is so much I need to understand. Or feel. Or recognize. Or accept. Or be grateful of. But I’m a learner. And I value myself enough that I strive hard to calm my waters. I intend not to be trapped in a loop of masochistic pleasure by settling for less. I intend to treat myself of a level I KNOW it deserves. It is with this internal dedication that a type of love will be formed. And this love, I am sure,  will be pure. It will be strong. It will be definite.